5 Simple Ways to Find Your True Self After 50
NOTE: This is a repost from September 13, 2022.
When you look in the mirror, do you recognize the person looking back?
Do you see the same familiar face but wonder who the person is? Is there a nagging feeling that something is missing or incomplete after all this time?
If so, you're not alone.
Many people start questioning their life choices as the years behind them outnumber the ones ahead. We're more keenly aware that time and the chance to accomplish our goals are running out. And what are those goals now that careers are winding down and the nest is empty?
We often play the what-if game, wondering how our lives might have been better if we'd taken more risks rather than playing it safe.
"What if I had started my own business instead of working for someone else? What if I had moved to the west coast like I always wanted? What if I had followed MY dreams instead of theirs?"
We mourn lost opportunities and their perceived good fortune, but one thing is sure: we'll never know the answers to those questions.
Imagining an alternate life as much better than the one we have is usually exaggerated. We tell ourselves that our professional and financial success could have been remarkable, along with a much happier personal life. But, it also might have been comparable to what we have now…and possibly worse.
We're also different people due to our collective experiences. I'm certainly not the same person I was at 20, 30, or even 40. I'm still the idealistic girl who graduated high school, ready to take on the world. And yet, the more I've learned about life, the more I realize there is to learn. My friend had a saying for her kids when they got that cocky, sure-of-themselves attitude:
You better get out now while you still know everything.
Returning to school as an adult and raising a family changed me in many ways. The sacrifices, responsibilities, triumphs, and tragedies constantly reshape who we are.
In addition, the realization that time is running out adds an urgency that didn't exist before. Throughout life, most deadlines have some flexibility. We can pay a bill late, with an additional fee added. But death is fixed, and no amount of money can buy more time.
However, these aren't necessarily disadvantages. On the contrary, the following tips help us understand ourselves and what direction to take if appropriately utilized.
1. It's Never Too Late
So, stop the negative self-talk. Whether it's about having enough time or the ability to create a new life, don't undermine your efforts with the word can't. My 4th-grade teacher had a favorite saying:
Can't never did anything; it died in the battle of try.
It's funny how some things stay with you for 50 years while so much else is forgotten! So now is the time for positive self-talk, drawing on the many life experiences that have made you older and wiser.
However, do question if your dreams have changed. Understand the difference between wants and needs because they are different. Comparing past desires to what you want now clarifies whether your goals have shifted. This can happen for various reasons, but whatever the cause, it's instructive when deciding what direction to take. For example, becoming a veterinarian may not be practical at 55. Still, other ways exist to advocate for animals and feed that passion.
2. Determine the Motivation
What is causing your feelings of discontent? Is it an intuitive awareness that comes from within? Or is it a reaction to outside forces, such as other people and societal influences? For example, have you always dreamed of opening a bookstore but stayed in the technology field because it's safer? Is someone trying to persuade you to go in a direction that will pay better but isn't what you truly enjoy?
Significant changes in your life should happen because that's what YOU want. Listen to your gut feelings here. Change is never easy, particularly when you're older. Ask yourself why you're considering a new direction and if you're willing to face the inevitable obstacles.
This could involve things like a career change or a divorce. Both come with risks, so careful thought and preparation are necessary. It might mean a difference in finances and your social circle. However, staying in a job or marriage that makes you miserable isn't being your 'true self.'
Honesty = Authenticity. If you're striving to live a more authentic life, you must be honest about everything. Hard to do? Yep. Worth it in the long run? Absolutely!
3. Learn and Let Go
Experience is a valuable teacher. You've gained much wisdom throughout the years. Therefore, it's essential to perform a detailed self-assessment regarding all aspects of your life: people, places, employment, wins, losses, triumphs, tragedies, and everything in between. It should begin with your first memories and lead right up to today.
This is hard. Facing all the mistakes and acknowledging the lost years is a gut punch. It certainly was for me; however, it must be done. The lessons learned are precious, so pack them up for safekeeping and let the rest of the negative bullshit go. You have neither the time nor energy to waste on people and things that no longer matter.
4. Own Your Power
The longer you live, the more experience you gain. You've learned much and acquired more skills than you realize. Recognizing your power makes all the other steps easier because it's a confidence booster.
Like the self-assessment mentioned above, you must list the hard and soft skills you've gained. Hard skills consist of specific technical and training knowledge. For example, I worked different jobs and attained new abilities over the years. In addition, I went back to school and finally earned a college degree (something that languished on my bucket list for far too long.)
Soft skills refer to personality traits such as effective communication, open-mindedness, and critical thinking. Our unique life experiences teach these and mold who we become. Two decades of marriage to a verbally abusive alcoholic would be considered a tragic waste of time. But, I learned A LOT about myself. Essential things I might not have figured out otherwise, which helped me build a better life.
Forget regret. Both good and bad experiences make us stronger and wiser.
5. Respect the Deadlines
When we're young, we have the luxury of time. At least, we assume as much. Unfortunately, as we grow older, this is no longer the case. That far-off future has arrived. Therefore, having a clear-cut plan with established steps and target dates for each is crucial. It's time to get organized, using whatever methods work best for you. Spreadsheets, calendars, list-making software... there are many tools available.
In addition, working within a shorter time frame motivates you to be more efficient, improving productivity and your chances for success. The farther my deadline is, the less likely I will start immediately.
Fifty-plus years of living exposes us to many outside influences. Each of these impacts us in big and small ways and collectively shapes and reshapes us throughout our lives. This is normal.
However, suppose we're affected to where we become unrecognizable to ourselves. We're influenced by those around us, adopting ideas that don't reflect who we are. In that case, we've given up our individuality and the chance for an authentic life.
And maybe it's not finding yourself but creating yourself. Perhaps it's taking all that you've learned and becoming someone whose skin you feel most comfortable in.
When we look in the mirror, we should see someone familiar whom we love and trust looking back. Someone we're proud of who represents our beliefs and ideals. That ensures that we'll be capable of dealing with life's ups and downs in the best way possible, our way.
I haven’t seen The Greatest Showman (Official Lyric Video BELOW), but I saw that audiences connected with this story despite poor reviews from the movie critics. If the lyrics are an indication of why this is, I can certainly relate. If you’ve seen the movie, would YOU recommend it to the rest of us? Please share in the Comments.
Like most cats, the resident House Panther (also BELOW) loves a good box. Especially the ones from Chewy that signal his feline rations/treats have arrived. However, this was a wine delivery, which is sadly evident by the disappointment on his face. (Sorry, buddy.)
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THIS IS ME - LYRICS
… I am not a stranger to the dark Hide away, they say 'Cause we don't want your broken parts I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars Run away, they say No one'll love you as you are … But I won't let them break me down to dust I know that there's a place for us For we are glorious … When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out I am brave, I am bruised I am who I'm meant to be, this is me Look out 'cause here I come And I'm marching on to the beat I drum I'm not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me … Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh … Another round of bullets hits my skin Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in We are bursting through the barricades and Reaching for the sun (we are warriors) Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become) … I won't let them break me down to dust I know that there's a place for us For we are glorious … When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out I am brave, I am bruised I am who I'm meant to be, this is me Look out 'cause here I come And I'm marching on to the beat I drum I'm not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me … Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh This is me … and I know that I deserve your love (Oh-oh-oh-oh) there's nothing I'm not worthy of (Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh) When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out This is brave, this is bruised This is who I'm meant to be, this is me … Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come) And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on) I'm not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me … When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out I'm gonna send a flood Gonna drown 'em out Oh This is me
I'd love you to write something on this from north of 60. I was thinking this week about how different my life is at 65 compared to my parents. There is no blueprint. But I don't remember them navigating through such uncharted waters as I am today. Matter of fact I may write a pice on this myself! Inspiring read, I'll try and refrigerator my thinking about it not being too late.
“It’s never too late”. Enough said.
I really enjoy your newsletter. 😊