"Bless Your Heart" and Why I Thought It Was a Positive Remark
A Short Primer on 5 Figures of Speech Commonly Used in Writing
Who wouldn’t assume that “Bless your heart” is a wonderful compliment? People in the American South, that’s who.
But, hilariously enough, it wasn’t a southerner who clued me in on this sometimes euphemism. No, it was a middle-aged Canadian gentleman who served as the driver for our wine tour in Niagara Falls, Ontario. He’d guided more than a few of America’s southern folks through the vineyards and wineries of his hometown.
I don’t remember the context of the conversation, but I used “bless your heart” to respond to something he said. He then looked directly at me and, in a mildly questioning tone, asked, “You don’t mean that in a bad way, right?
Now it was my turn to be confused. “No, not at all, why would you think that?” I queried.
“Well, that’s a relief,” he smiled. “People in America’s southern states say that phrase in various ways, and not all of them are good.”
This was news to me. I often used that expression as a way to convey appreciation for something a person said or did. Now I wonder how many folks I may have offended along the way.
Euphemism
Language usage isn’t always straightforward (and I’ve been out of school a while), so I decided to refresh my memory. Apparently, the expression “Bless your heart” is a part-time euphemism depending on the tone of voice and circumstances, both of which determine if it’s actually being used as a euphemism.
A few examples of euphemisms are:
She’s big-boned. (fat)
His performance wasn’t up to scratch. (not very good)
They had to put down their pet. (euthanize)
They were killed by friendly fire. (by their own people, usually accidentally)
Figure of Speech
A euphemism is one example of a figure of speech (aka figurative language). There are about 15 - 20 in English grammar, some of which are used more than others. They are typically employed for clarification, emphasis, comparison, and to make the writing more interesting. Some of the most common in a writer’s toolbox are:
Metaphor - compares two things by suggesting one thing IS another.
(Love is a battlefield.)
Personification - gives non-living things the characteristics of living things.
(The sunflowers nodded in the wind.)
Similes - compares two things by suggesting one is LIKE another.
(She’s as cute as a button.)
Synecdoche - a literary device that uses the part to refer to the whole or the whole for a part.
(Pour me a glass of bubbly.) (The world isn’t treating me well.)
Hyperbole - a type of exaggeration.
(I sleep like a rock.)
These various tools can turn ordinary writing into something more descriptive and emotionally compelling. Underlying themes and symbolism are more evident through their use.
But, writers, beware! Used the wrong way, figurative language renders communication ineffective and (sometimes) confusing.
Figures of speech should fit the tone and style of whoever is saying them. It should enhance what is being said, not detract from it. And the less is more rule applies. Don’t overuse it.
Apparently, Bless Your Heart (BYH) really can mean something gracious, provided it’s said with an empathetic tone and smile. Or, it could be said with genuine concern for the receiver. Either way, it’s a courteous and caring expression.
A whispered BYH (in this case, Bless His/Her Heart) is never said to the receiver, just about the receiver, always behind their back. There are a host of reasons why someone would use it this way: maybe the subject isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, or she spends too much time behind the shed, etc.
Unlike the whispered type above, the Sassy BYH contains a judgment of some sort but with the receiver’s best interests at heart. The more fervent the inflection, the more emphasis is expressed.
Neutral BYH (void of emotions) indicates to the receiver that the speaker prefers not to respond because said response probably won’t be appreciated. Rather than offending the other person, the speaker acknowledges their statements with indifference.
The ‘Bless MY Heart’ version demonstrates many things: self-deprecation, self-admonishment, and modesty, among others. The person who hears this said should show agreement but not too strongly. The receiver doesn’t want anything to get misinterpreted by too bold of a response.
Certainly, location has an effect on how a language is spoken with regard to things like vocabulary, dialect, and pronunciation. The American South is no exception.
Going forward, I’ll be mindful of my tone when I bless someone’s heart. Or, maybe I’ll find another way to express the same message, like “Here, have some cake.”
Because seriously…who doesn’t like cake?
(For more fun phrases from south of the Mason-Dixon line, check out this Southern Living article.)
Take a look at the video below featuring Canadian country singer/songwriter Abbey Stewart. She offers her take on the ‘Whispered BYH’ and her own interpretation of what whispered looks like after being cheated on!
Have YOU ever mistakenly misused or mispronounced a word or expression? Be brave and share in the Comments…No judgment here!
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Thanks for spending time with me…see you next week!
