Living in the Moment
Even When the Moment is Overwhelmingly Terrible
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We’ve all experienced those moments that, for one reason or another, can only be classified as awful.
They can present themselves in a variety of ways. Some of my most notable ones were during extreme grief, utter humiliation, and once when I (momentarily) considered murder-suicide. Not to sound dramatic, because it WAS fleeting and occurred during a moment of absolute desperation, but a fully-formed thought nonetheless.
Regardless of the cause, the emotions can be overpowering and difficult to manage. This is when we reach for familiar coping mechanisms, the ways we respond to challenging situations: drugs, alcohol, food, or anything that helps us “feel better.” However, the relief is temporary and often adds to our problems in other ways.
My coping mechanism was avoidance and isolation. I learned to redirect my thoughts away from the anguish of living with a verbally abusive alcoholic. This was accomplished by focusing on the daily tasks of raising children, my job, and running a household.
Of course, this wasn’t possible during direct conflicts with my addict husband (which were almost daily), but all the rest of the time, I worked hard to concentrate on other things.
Isolation happened over time, and I allowed friendships to slip away. I always feared people would discover our dirty little secret if they got too close. Keeping up the image of normalcy meant keeping people at a safe distance away from the chaos.
Managing Difficult Emotions
It’s important to be mindful when calamity hits rather than giving in to the strong, negative emotions that result.
The first step in handling stress is identifying your feelings and how they impact you. Is it sadness, anger, fear, or anxiety? Many times, an emotion can masquerade as something else.
Then, notice how it impacts you. How do you respond to and express these feelings to yourself and others?
Accepting all emotions, including unpleasant ones, is beneficial and leads to better mental health outcomes.
The goal is regulation, not repression.
That was the fatal mistake I made during those toxic years. I was so overwhelmed by a seemingly impossible situation that I pushed it away instead of dealing with it head-on. Repression was my go-to strategy because I didn’t have the knowledge or tools to find the way out of a bad set of circumstances.
However, it may also require some help from others, whether family, friends, or a therapist. Before we ever reach the breaking point, we should seek help.
Here are a few ways to navigate those unfavorable episodes when they happen:
Deep breathing and meditation can help calm the nervous system and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety.
Exercise of any type releases endorphins, which will quickly boost your mood.
Venting to a trusted, neutral party (including a therapist, if necessary) not only helps “blow off steam,” but their perspective may also help resolve the problem.
A mood journal is another way to express emotions and gain new insights.
Being Present
Sometimes referred to as living mindfully, being present means focusing on the here and now and not being distracted or mentally absent.
And it’s easier said than done.
Unless you’ve mastered meditation, it’s challenging to center all your attention on one thing. Anything beyond a minute or two is hard because our brains are wired to switch between focus and distraction. This is a normal part of cognitive function and allows us to remain vigilant and responsive to sudden changes in our environments.
Even when no tangible distractions exist, our minds sometimes look for one. This distractability served us well when predators were an everyday threat. However, in today’s busy world, diversions often overwhelm us.
Being present during difficult moments can encourage a greater sense of control, reduce stress, and enable better coping methods.
Life doesn't get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient. ~ Steve Maraboli
Ukiyo (pronounced oo-kee-yoh) is a Japanese word and concept that means “the floating world.” It’s often translated as “living in the moment, detached from worldly concerns.”
As hard as this sounds (particularly with the state of the world right now), we could all benefit from learning how to be more present. Minimizing distractions, engaging our senses, and practicing mindfulness and meditation can help us live more fully in the moment. Once there, we’re better equipped to deal with whatever that moment presents us with.
Thanks for reading; see you next time,
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