'Never Give Up' Isn't Always Great Advice (Here's Why)

Ms. Writer

Aug 16, 2022

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man climbing cliff beside beach determined not to give up — Photo by Hu Chen on Unsplash

Quitters never win, and winners never quit. ~ Vince Lombardi

I still remember the teacher reciting that adage to our fifth-grade class. Sitting on the dusty gym floor, we listened with wide-eyed wonder. I'd never heard those words before, which sounded magical, like a secret formula. A formula that guaranteed I would always be a winner at everything as long as I never quit.

Our physical ed teacher was young and vibrant. I felt she was pretty smart to say such wise things. She exuded health and energy, and I wanted to be like her when I grew up.

But, we hadn't reached middle school yet, where you begin testing the rules you've been taught. Little did I know I'd be smoking cherry cigars in the woods by the school in two short years. I also learned the quote that impressed me so much came from NFL coach Vince Lombardi, not our teacher.

Still, I've never forgotten those words.

And for all intents and purposes, it's sound advice. The kind of good old-fashioned stick-to-itiveness drilled into generations of people through the decades.

A look back at history demonstrates how this motto enabled humanity to accomplish many incredible things. For example, imagine if Christopher Columbus had turned his ships around at the first sign of stormy weather. Or, how about the Revolutionary and Civil Wars, which fought for freedom and justice for all people? They were years in the making before reaching their goals. Likewise, there were many missteps before Neil Armstrong's famously successful step onto the moon's surface in 1969.

Other well-known folks echoed Coach Lombardi's words in some variation, such as Winston Churchill, Wilma Mankiller, and Dale Carnegie. Even Confucius advised that no matter how long it took, you shouldn't stop.

Really?

A blanket statement like that doesn't begin to cover all the different individual circumstances or one's interpretation of 'quitting.'

The following are two separate scenarios from my own life that illustrate this point:

#1 - I needed a rack for the bathroom to provide additional storage. However, it required assembly, which isn't my strong suit, so that was probably a bad idea from the get-go. After a few minutes, I got stuck but continued (patiently) trying to figure out what I was doing (or not doing) wrong. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, and I became pretty frustrated. As a result, the rack sits unassembled in the basement as of this writing. Giving up was the easy thing to do.

#2 - I needed to leave a toxic marriage with an abusive alcoholic to give my family a better life. However, it required many things that weren't in my skill set (or so I thought.) Nevertheless, I kept reminding myself that quitters never win and winners never quit, so I stayed. I desperately wanted my partner to stop drinking, offering help and support if he did. Wanting to be a 'winner,' I refused to give up, a decision that ultimately cost twenty years of heartache. In this case, giving up was the harder thing to do.

Selective Quitting

We've been raised to view quitting as a failure, setting ourselves up for feelings of shame that usually follow. And nothing could be farther from the truth.

If you live, work, or associate in some way with a hostile person, it creates an unhealthy environment for you. Unfortunately, the results are often destructive, whether an abusive spouse, a toxic coworker, or a narcissistic family member.

Of course, throwing in the towel at the first sign of trouble is never a good idea; you should do everything possible to find a resolution. However, both parties must be willing to participate in the solution. Otherwise, it won't work. Leaving a bad situation involving others isn't a failure. Choosing to take a different direction, however, makes good sense.

white and black One Way-printed road signages to denote different directions — Photo by Brendan Church on Unsplash

When trying something that only involves yourself, the same concept applies. But, it requires absolute honesty. For example, perhaps your lifelong dream is to become a professional singer, so you do everything necessary to achieve that. But, you spend years and money on voice lessons and practicing to no avail. The church choir or a local group is as far as you get.

The problem is that we form attachments to ideas, which often prevents us from seeing the truth. Being realistic about your expectations is crucial. Unfortunately, only a tiny fraction of people become famous in any field. However, you can still enjoy singing and music on a smaller scale. And if your endeavor (whatever that is) no longer brings you joy, it's time to end it and find something that does.

Keep out of ruts; a rut is something which, if traveled in too much, becomes a ditch. ~Arthur Guiterman

That's selective quitting. Choosing to give up something (or someone) because it enables us to find a new path that enriches our lives.

Like the Byrds' 1965 hit song and the Bible advises:

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

If your road isn't taking you to your desired destination, it's time to change course. Life is too short to waste yearning for impossible things or those that don't enhance your happiness and well-being today.

The success of any relationship depends on love, respect, and the ability to seek help whenever needed. But unfortunately, my partner wasn't willing, so winning was impossible.

However, the success of the rack assembly depends on my willingness to seek help, which I'm ready to do. Therefore, winning is possible in this case. Not only will I be happier, but the bathroom will look much better!

xoxo

(NOTE: The prompt for this post was ‘Never Give Up Day’ observed on Thursday, August 18th. It’s one of many Hashtag Holidays that sometimes offer ideas & topics to write about. / My apologies for the ‘hiccups’ in the voiceover audio. I noticed it happening before and splurged on a microphone rather than using my earbuds. Unfortunately, that didn’t help. I may have to replace my seven-year-old computer [insert sad face emoji here]. / Enjoy the Byrds’ timeless classic, and read the lyrics below. I was familiar with the first few lines and the chorus but didn’t really know all the words. I found them to be honest, wise, and applicable to all of us.)

xoxo

'Never Give Up' Isn't Always Great Advice (Here's Why)

Quitters never win, and winners never quit. ~ Vince Lombardi

Selective Quitting

Keep out of ruts; a rut is something which, if traveled in too much, becomes a ditch. ~Arthur Guiterman

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