Our Furry Friends: Why Losing One is So Heartbreaking

We Invest Much and Lose So Much More

Jan 18, 2023

I debated about writing this post as I’m still hoping for a miracle. But I know there isn’t going to be one.

The above photo is one of the outdoor cats I’ve been caring for over the last five years. This labor of love began with a small colony of six felines that made a home in my son’s neighborhood. I learned about the plight of feral and community cats through a local animal advocacy group. Prior to that, I never gave ‘strays’ much thought until I did some research.

Feral cats are completely wild and will hide from people, while community cats are somewhat socialized. They may have once been someone’s pet that became lost or abandoned. They don’t want to be touched but are more comfortable being around humans.

I was shocked to discover how many of these homeless kitties there are! Not just in my town but everywhere. Some estimates put the number of feral and stray cats in the United States at 73 million.

The overpopulation problem has one solution: responsible pet ownership. However, many cats are abandoned and left to fend for themselves. The animals that haven’t been spayed or neutered will continue to breed and multiply, which causes incredible suffering for them and their offspring, not to mention problems for the community.

“I must do something” always solves more problems than “Something must be done.” ~Author unknown

I made a decision in 2018 to try and help these furry neighbors: daily food and water, as well as straw-lined shelters in the cold, snowy winters. I learned how to do TNR (Trap Neuter Return) in an effort to stop the proliferation of cats. I used a low-cost spay and neuter clinic (and my own funds) to alter three of the cats in ‘my’ colony. The rest disappeared and, I suspect, died from disease or any of the many threats they live with daily.

Mr. Drippy, pictured above, was one of the kitties I had neutered and was estimated to be around 7 to 8 years old. Prior to that, he had a pretty rough life. Unneutered male cats always seek a female in heat, leading to ongoing fights with other males. It also causes them to wander (sometimes far away) from their familiar territory in search of a mate.

I was informed that he had Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (FIV), which causes recurrent infections, most likely the cause of his ‘drippy’ eyes. This disease likely resulted from a bite wound from another infected cat.

He also suffered from advanced dental disease, which was causing him great pain. I’ve had toothaches and couldn’t bear the thought that he was in constant misery. So, after recovering from the neuter surgery, I trapped Drippy again and had his dental issues treated. This required keeping him in a large crate for a week while he recuperated and received antibiotics and pain medication.

I’ve spent considerable money on food, medical, and housing for these homeless babies. This is strange for someone who used to dislike cats! We had dogs growing up, and I thought of felines as aloof and sneaky. After my adult children acquired them as pets, I learned that (while different from canines) they also had redeeming qualities.

I’m not wealthy and have often wondered why I feel so beholden to these animals. My best answer is that I abhor suffering and want to do everything I can to end it. It’s not their fault that they were born into such sad circumstances.

Certain individuals tell me that they’re ‘just animals’ and able to live outside. But it’s an extremely difficult existence, and many perish, things that most people don’t consider.

I’ve watched Drippy cycle through bouts of FIV-induced health issues made worse due to life outdoors. And I felt so bad during those days; my heart was heavy because I couldn’t do more. But he always rallied. After a few rough-looking days, his eyes and nose would dry up, and he’d look better, which lifted my spirits tremendously. He was a tough, smart animal who learned to survive a hard life.

I was thrilled when he bonded with another neighborhood kitty I care for (something that couldn’t happen until they were both fixed.) I believe ‘Little Gray’ may actually be an offspring of Drippy.

While Drippy would roam the neighborhood and disappear for a day or two, Little Gray was a homebody. He preferred to stay in my son’s backyard, where I set up their shelter and feeding station. Gray seems like an affectionate fellow, always rubbing up on and grooming Drippy’s coat.

They've lived together for the last year and a half, enduring hot summers and frigid winters. I’ve always wanted to bring them inside, but my partner wasn’t agreeable. We have a resident House Panther, that was rescued from this same neighborhood.

I invested in cold weather shelters, straw, heated mats, heated water bowls, summer shelters, cooling mats, ant-proof food dishes, food, treats, and so much more. Aside from the money, time, and energy, it’s my heart that powers and justifies the rest.

Nature reminds us that the dog will wag its tail, the cat will sing, and the horse will neigh as we approach if we are only kind to them. They do not forget kindness, and that is more than some of us can say. ~Charles F. Raymond

As any pet owner or animal lover will tell you, these furry creatures have a way of ingratiating themselves. They’re simple and unassuming. Their needs are basic and essential. Unlike people, animals follow ordered patterns of behavior. These are consistent and follow the ‘rules’ of the natural world. The laws of man and the laws of nature are different. Animals seek to survive and continue the species, never driven by greed or a desire for power.

A particular kind of joy comes with helping another living creature. Whether it’s a fellow human, an injured songbird, or a stray kitty. To alleviate suffering for the few helps (somewhat) soothe the heartbreak of knowing it will never be enough. There will always be many people and animals born into tragic circumstances. Refugees seeking freedom from oppression die in their efforts to obtain a better life. Children in third-world countries slowly starve each day, mainly due to man-made conflicts. Tiny kittens born outside will freeze to death because irresponsible pet owners didn’t bother to have their mamas spayed and then tossed them away like garbage.

Oftentimes when I rounded the corner of the house, this is the view I’d have of the feeding station:

After three weeks of not showing up, I know Mr. Drippy is gone. He looked bad again when I left for Florida. The neighbor who takes care of them while I’m gone said that after the big freeze, they both went missing for several days when the weather warmed. He was worried as that was longer than they’d ever been gone.

And then Little Gray was back, but he was alone. I believe he accompanied his friend to a hidden spot near the house in a small wooded area. Cats will hide when they’re sick and dying. It’s an instinct to ensure predators won’t find them while they’re at their weakest point. I believe Gray stood vigil with him until he realized that Drippy wasn’t coming back.

The sense of loss after almost five years is deep. I never got to pet Drippy, but I talked to him. I explained that I wanted to do more, to bring him into the house so he could know the comforts of living indoors. I wanted to brush his fur, scratch his ears, and help his FIV get better. I sincerely hoped that I could be with him at the end.

Now, I worry about Gray, who’s back to living in solitude again. I’m sure he’ll miss his comrade. I know I do.

Drippy & Gray with their summer shelters - August 2022

My apologies for being a day late.
Thanks for reading.

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“Have you ever loved an animal as much as a human family member?”

Our Furry Friends: Why Losing One is So Heartbreaking

We Invest Much and Lose So Much More

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