5 Easy Ways to Measure Your Sense of Self (and Why It Matters)

Photo by Diana Polekhina on Unsplash

Know thyself, or at least keep renewing the acquaintance. ~Robert Brault

Have you ever wondered about the intricate puzzle that is your 'sense of self'?

It's a fascinating concept encompassing how we perceive ourselves, from our unique personality traits and belief systems to our likes, dislikes, and motivations.

These perceptions influence how we view our lives and the world at large. People who can readily describe the aspects of their identities possess a stronger sense of self than those who struggle to do so.

Which are you?

Clarity about who we are positively impacts our choices, while being wishy-washy often leads us down the wrong road. This affects small and large decisions, from changing jobs to what you're ordering for lunch.

I lacked a clear sense of self, making it difficult to know what I wanted in life. During adolescence, when the pressure to belong was tremendous, my motto was, "Go with the flow." Instead of knowing what I wanted and what was best for ME, I chose to go along with the crowd. 

Being indecisive meant I unwittingly let others decide for me, leading to feelings of unhappiness without actually knowing why! Realizing this was a eureka moment, to say the least.

In addition, the codependency that started in childhood continued throughout my adult life. TBH, I still struggle with it sometimes, but on a much smaller scale. I’m also quite aware when I’m doing it. 

Awareness of yourself, other people, situations, and the possible consequences are essential to keeping runaway emotions in check and your wits about you. This is why I write a lot about it.

Being a caretaker for others sounds like a noble pursuit, and, in some cases, it is. However, it becomes harmful if you constantly surrender your needs to theirs, particularly when they’re capable (or should be) of taking care of themselves.

Fortunately, there are some simple questions we can ask to assess what our self-concept is: 

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Questions to measure your sense of self

1. Do I say yes to make others happy? - It’s okay to accommodate others sometimes. But defining yourself by relationships and/or the ability to constantly please loved ones suggests an underdeveloped sense of self.

2. What are my strengths? - Your self-concept depends on recognizing your strengths and believing in your capabilities to achieve goals. Realizing one’s talents and maximizing them in daily life signals a healthy opinion of oneself.

3. What brings me happiness? - Identifying the most important people and pursuits in your life reveals a lot about yourself. These are things you don’t want to replace or lose.

4. What are my values?/Do I live my life accordingly? - Awareness of personal values helps define your self-perception. What traits do you prioritize in yourself and others? Do you act and speak according to these characteristics?

5. Do my choices reflect MY interests or someone else's? - If you’re unsure how to answer, then think of it this way: if you were by yourself and independent of others, would you make the same choice? Decisions based on your desires and goals demonstrate a robust self-image.¹

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Our sense of self is directly related to self-esteem and our perceived purpose in life. If you’re struggling with self-confidence or trying to figure out your place in the world, then it’s time to analyze who you are. Take a few minutes to answer the questions above; they are a helpful first step.

Our sense of self is challenging to decipher because we're constantly evolving. These continuous changes require 'regular maintenance' regarding self-assessment.

Just as we maintain our homes and cars, our relationship with ourselves demands attention and care. A leaky roof or bald tires eventually become bigger problems, and a weak sense of self will do the same. 

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The following video describes how the ‘sense of self’ manifests in the brain. It’s a quick (under three minutes) AND fascinating peek for anyone interested in neuroscience:

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1. healthline.com