Are You Codependent?
Answer 20 Simple Questions to Reveal the Answer
Many years ago, I accidentally discovered that I was a codependent personality, something I couldn’t even define at the time.
My trip to the local library was to get information on alcoholism and how family members can help the addict. My husband had a drinking problem. I was eager to do anything necessary to help him get sober. I knew the issue would only get worse over time.
Ironically, my research led to the realization that I had a problem, too. And it was contributing to his dependence on booze!
The questions below are the same ones that helped me see I was part of the problem. Reading through them, I saw myself clearly for the first time. It was like a lightbulb went on. Suddenly, I started to see why I made some shitty choices in my younger years. I was codependent! This realization began a journey of recovery that took a long, long time.
Changing yourself is never easy. Understanding how you came to be this way is the first step. It requires a deep dive into your childhood and the people and experiences that shaped your growing-up years.
Take the quiz below to learn if you possess any of these tendencies. You might have one or two, and that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re codependent. No one can make a diagnosis based on a few answers.
But, if more than a few apply and are the reasons for ongoing problems in relationships, then you might consider checking out further resources.
QUIZ
Do you find yourself constantly worried about other people’s problems?
When someone else acts inappropriately, do you often feel guilty or embarrassed for him or her?
Is it hard to say no when somebody asks you for help?
Do you remain loyal, even if another person or situation harms you?
Do you find it hard to hold personal boundaries with other people?
Is other people’s approval essential to you?
Do any of your relationships cause you to lose sleep, be stressed out, or lose motivation for other things in life?
After a fight or disagreement, do you feel like you must get even?
After winning an argument, do you need to restate your point?
Have you ever borrowed money to finance another person’s addiction?
Do you feel reluctant to do things that you find important because it may cause an argument or disagreement?
Have you ever dragged old hurts into current conversations?
Have you ever committed, or considered committing, a crime to finance someone’s addiction?
Do arguments, disappointments, or frustrations urge you to change someone else?
Do you often sacrifice your own needs to care for your loved one?
Do you often give your partner/spouse money or make excuses for his/her behavior?
Do you believe you can fix (or are responsible for) your loved one’s addiction and/or mental illness?
Do you often feel that your mood is affected by your partner/spouse’s mood?
Does the thought of ending your relationship terrify you despite all its problems and how you feel about it?
Did you ever believe that if loved ones would only see things your way, life would be much better?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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Interesting set of questions.
In a loving relationship though, is codependence such a bad thing? A long, happy and loving relationship often has respectful codependence at its roots, IMHO.
I can think of my late parents, my late in-laws and friends and relations who have been married forever to the one person and there is a mutual dependence there which looks like two halves making the whole soul. I've been contentedly married for 47 years and yet a psychologist told me I am codependent as if it were a sin. I decided I really didn't care because it felt good and right.