Birthdays are typically a time for celebration. Until they're not.
As youngsters, we eagerly anticipate all the trappings that make up our special day: a party with family and friends, gaily decorated cakes, colorful balloons, and gifts! All those marvelous things that make the day so special.
But, as we grow older, birthdays can evoke a sense of longing and even sadness. Especially the milestone birthdays. We traverse the nine years between each turn of the decade uneventfully, and then BOOM. You're the Big 6–0 (or wherever you happen to be on the aging continuum.)
Big is right; I'm ten pounds heavier than I was at 50. Probably because I never pass on a birthday cake (or any cake for that matter.)
Each year, as we add another candle, it's a reminder of time passing. We're so busy building a life during our twenties and thirties that time seems to stand still. Granted, we're racing every day from morning till night to beat deadlines, keep appointments, and get a thousand things done. But, we're focused on the tasks and not how quickly the calendar pages turn.
Then one day, we wake up and realize everything is slowing down. The family, financial, and work demands significantly decrease as children leave the nest and retirement looms.
This slowing down begins to affect us physically and mentally, too. Presbyopia, a change in the ability of our eyes to focus, starts in the forties. This literally happened to me overnight. One day I was reading Stephen King's The Stand, completely unaided, and the next day I needed magnifiers. Of course, I read the complete and uncut version that contains 1,152 pages. Maybe that extensive reading was the final collapse of my previous 20-20 vision!
Balance becomes an issue. Putting on pants while standing turns into a challenge, and "senior moments" occur more often. So it's no wonder we get a little depressed at birthday time, wondering what else may be lost in the upcoming year.
I was naive when purchasing a ceiling fan with a pull chain over my bed (this is great for hot flashes.) The contractor asked why I didn't get a remote control model, informing me they didn't cost much more. He then asked if I really wanted to stand on the bed in ten years, to turn the fan on and off. Suddenly, I pictured myself trying to put jeans on without falling over. So the next day, I exchanged the pull chain for the remote style.
But, as young adults, we look forward to the next decade, thinking about all the exciting opportunities it will bring. We're confident in our abilities, more optimistic about the future, and feel like we have all the time in the world.
And therein lies the problem. Once we reach a certain age, there's a sense that the really good stuff is behind us. We have to look forward to frequent doctor visits and senior discounts. We finally have more time for hobbies and interests, but now that precious time is running out.
The real insult is that we begin to resemble our parents while still seeing and feeling like our twenty-something selves. So, how do we drop the negativity and adopt a happy mindset about our milestone birthdays? Here are a few suggestions that I tried and made my own easier to accept:
Consider the Alternative
First, it's important to remember that growing old is a privilege not afforded to everyone.
I think of my high school classmates from the late 70s that aren't around to complain about aches and pains. One guy was killed on a motorcycle a month after graduation. Another died in his thirties. On and off, a friend battled cancer from middle school through middle age and then passed away shortly after the 35th reunion.
I've been extraordinarily fortunate, and when I start feeling down about aging, I remember these folks. They missed so many of the joys that only come from growing older, and there are many. Acknowledging those joys reminds us to count our blessings and prevents us from feeling sorry for our aging selves.
Learn From the Past
Knowing who we are today is the first step to learning the lessons from yesterday.
We're all products of our environments: intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. How we respond to people and life's many ups and downs ultimately determine what kind of journey we'll have.
We accumulate a wealth of experiences, good and bad, over time. The longer we live, the more we gain. But, knowledge is only helpful if we learn from it. We must look back with a critical eye and recognize areas where we made poor choices so we don't repeat the same mistakes.
And forgiveness for past hurts is a necessary component of embracing the future. Holding on to grievances prevents us from successfully moving forward. We must forgive others, as well as ourselves.
An honest commitment to better choices increases our chance for lasting happiness.
Older IS Wiser
If we can learn from the past, we'll recognize just how accomplished we are.
Recognizing the tragedies and triumphs we've dealt with in life, and survived, is quite empowering!
We're better able to sort through our many experiences and relationships and decide which ones to keep and which to throw away. Because not all people and situations are healthy. And some are downright toxic.
As younger people, we often don't see things for what they are; we see them as we want them to be. Unfortunately, the same idealism so admirable in youth can be a double-edged sword. Inexperience blinds us to reality and results in decisions based on fantasy rather than facts.
Reaching middle age without a thorough self-assessment of our past lives dooms us to repeat the same mistakes. Growth simply can't happen. So, take an honest look, celebrate the wins, and know a poor choice when you see one.
It's All Relative
Some folks are old at 60, while others are young at 80.
Most 80 year-olds are typical: many no longer drive or travel much beyond their church, grocery store, and the doctor's office. As a result, the world shrinks in proportion to their aging bodies.
But, everyone ages differently, and there are exceptions to the rule. Take Yuichiro Miura, for example. In 2013 Miura became the oldest person to climb Mt. Everest, earning him a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records. So, while most octogenarians take the stairs a bit slower, he scaled Mt. Everest!
Another inspiration is Sister Madonna Buder, affectionately known as the Iron Nun. As a Roman Catholic religious sister and a Senior Olympian triathlete, she holds the world record for the oldest woman to finish an Ironman Triathlon at 82. Yes, you heard that right.
These two amazing people illustrate that age is just a number. And that number doesn't automatically define our quality of life. It depends somewhat on genes, but diet, exercise, and attitude play a large part. Fortunately, we have control over those things. Well, when we choose to.
It's never too late to make healthy changes that positively impact our well-being. My goals don't include mountain climbing or world records. I was never very competitive. For me, it's more about feeling well, strengthening muscles, improving balance, and hopefully dropping a few pounds.
We know the routine by now. Eat a well-balanced diet, exercise regularly, eliminate bad habits, etc. However, a few minor changes, done consistently, really can make a difference.
By the next milestone birthday, you'll be happy to celebrate the new and improved version of yourself.
And don't forget the cake. We deserve to indulge on occasion because life in moderation truly is well-lived. So, enjoy!
Your birthday is the beginning of your own personal new year... each new birthday is a chance to begin again, to start over, to take a new grip on life... It is a time to toss old hatreds, resentments, grudges, and fears into the wastebasket of life, a time to forgive and forget, a time to stretch your soul... It is a time to dust off your dreams and shine up your ideals. ~Wilferd A. Peterson, "The Art of Renewal"
If you don’t have time for a homemade-from-scratch cake, here’s Southern Living’s winner for the Best BOXED White Cake mix.
Milestone Birthdays