self-realization
[ self-ree-uh-luh-zey-shuhn ]
noun
the fulfillment of one's potential.
Isn't this everyone's goal in life, to fulfill our potential and become the best version of ourselves? To tap into our specific talents and create a wonderful life, right?
But, many people never achieve it.
Maybe it's because we don't recognize what those talents are. Perhaps we don't believe we're good enough or bought into others' expectations of who we should be.
Self-realization is difficult because you have to know your authentic self first. And too many people are the products of their environments, something that changes constantly.
As youngsters, we're taught a belief system that influences our ideas about life. Then, as adolescents, we identify with our peer group and "follow the crowd," hoping to fit in. Sometimes this means rejecting what we learned at home. We then carry these experiences into adulthood, affecting who we choose as intimate partners and so many other things.
Sometimes we make bad choices that have long-lasting effects (been there, done that.)
I've gone through five distinct stages of development in my own life. I like to joke that it's taken me 50+ years to figure out who I really am. Today I'm not the person I was in those different phases; I'm a combination of them all.
I learned hard lessons, cried lots of tears, was humiliated often, fell many times, got drunk, got up, and kept going. But that's the secret to success, yes?
Fall down seven times, get up eight. ~Japanese Proverb
If only I had gotten to know myself better, sooner. I could have prioritized me over those I thought I wanted to be with. I would have been empowered to stand up for my feelings and beliefs instead of being afraid to share them.
Unfortunately, our need for approval by others often outweighs our need to be accepted by ourselves.
Accepting ourselves for who we are is the first step towards happiness. We'll naturally be drawn to like-minded people if we're honest about our life's philosophy. And it's so much more enjoyable, and productive spending time with those we actually relate to. Great minds think alike, yeah?
Of course, we're constantly evolving. Every day brings new experiences and lessons that continue to shape our growth. And growth is the key to expanding our perspectives and opinions.
However, these perspectives and opinions carry over from our formative years. As a result, they play a large part in determining what kind of adults we become.
We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it. - Rick Warren
Or, do we?
We'll remain in the dark about who we are if we choose to look at the world through only one lens. If we turn a deaf ear to another way of thinking. When we deliberately turn our backs on facts and refuse to educate ourselves beyond what we think we know.
If we had questions that our parents refused to answer, we must work to find those answers as adults. As adults, we should be thinking beyond the parameters set for us as children and never stop seeking answers and knowledge.
Knowing who we truly are helps us develop the potential within, whatever that is. This allows us to continue growing and learning about ourselves and the world. We then have an opportunity to improve areas that need it and celebrate the accomplishments we make along the way.
Knowing our authentic selves guide us towards people who share our values. Think how comfortable you feel around those who enjoy the same hobbies, politics, or religion. We feel "at home" with them, promoting closer connections and loyalty. These are the stuff of lasting relationships, whether a significant other, roommate, or friend.
However, we should be wary of people who discourage us from seeking other viewpoints and claiming to have all the answers. No one has all the answers.
Yes, opposites attract because of the fascination we feel with their contradictions to our own way of thinking and being. But they don't have much in common after the excitement wears off. The fascination turns to frustration and the contradictions become irritants.
Like-minded people stand a much better chance of going the distance and having the most satisfying and successful relationships. And that’s why we must first discover our authentic selves before we can find the tribe we truly belong with.
Self-realization