It's weird. Inside the space while it's happening (for long enough) there comes a time when the uncomfortably comfortable starts to become unbearable. For me, it took years. Looking back today I can't imagine what I was thinking when I tried to "live through" a toxic, clearly dysfunctional relationship for as long as I did. Well, really I didn't. I stayed inside the relationship but for the last 8 or 9 years of it I kept moving and changing jobs while I gained self confidence and actually built up the courage to leave it once and for all. This guy was a master manipulator. When I left I didn't even know myself. I think that's part of why today I have difficulty making small decisions like decorating my home, or what clothes to wear. I'm so much better, but I try not to look back, otherwise I start beating myself up for being such an idiot and being in it for so long.
I'm lucky today. I have a man who has helped me build my self confidence and more importantly encouraged me to make decisions and be okay with myself even when they're wrong.
(Interesting to note: that toxic relationship included him being a recovering alcoholic who was a dry drunk, something I never knew until he went back to drinking in year 10, and that was an entirely different thing I had to contend with until the end.)
It's weird. Inside the space while it's happening (for long enough) there comes a time when the uncomfortably comfortable starts to become unbearable. For me, it took years. Looking back today I can't imagine what I was thinking when I tried to "live through" a toxic, clearly dysfunctional relationship for as long as I did. Well, really I didn't. I stayed inside the relationship but for the last 8 or 9 years of it I kept moving and changing jobs while I gained self confidence and actually built up the courage to leave it once and for all. This guy was a master manipulator. When I left I didn't even know myself. I think that's part of why today I have difficulty making small decisions like decorating my home, or what clothes to wear. I'm so much better, but I try not to look back, otherwise I start beating myself up for being such an idiot and being in it for so long.
I'm lucky today. I have a man who has helped me build my self confidence and more importantly encouraged me to make decisions and be okay with myself even when they're wrong.
(Interesting to note: that toxic relationship included him being a recovering alcoholic who was a dry drunk, something I never knew until he went back to drinking in year 10, and that was an entirely different thing I had to contend with until the end.)
I am glad your home is a safe space now. 🫶🏻