I've been married for almost three years. We are celebrating our anniversary in September. It is my first, his third.
He warned me marriage wasn't easy. I haven't found that to be true. Yet. But there are signs.
For 62 years I was able to make (important life-changing) decisions inside relationships without first consulting with the other half. (If I did so, it was because I was co-dependent, another story.) I chose jobs, places to live, how and what to eat, exercise and to put first what was (highest) and best for me. This may have been because my relationship picker was broken and intuition "usually" demanded I not always listen to those closest to me.
For me it's a challenge to put our marriage first, before "my" wants. Needs haven't been an issue. I'm learning and committed. I found true love so late in life that it's important I keep our relationship healthy, while at the same time learning how to be one and still carry on as a couple. I'm fairly certain even if I'd married young I wouldn't have been mature enough to do this and stay committed. Great post, loved it!
A successful marriage (imho) is always a work in progress. The older we are the better we know ourselves due to our life experiences. Therefore, our chances to choose the right mate increase as we age. Our maturity informs us in ways that our 20-something selves could not. While single people can focus on themselves, couples must always consider their partner and the investment they've made jointly.
So much plays into it, but everyone needs to really 'do their homework.' On themselves, their potential partners, and their expectations on life's biggest questions.
My husband and I married aged 39 and 45, and neither of us had been married before. We were in a relationship for eight years before we became engaged, and married the following year.
My parents recently celebrated their golden wedding anniversary two years late (thanks to Covid). They - and their marriage - are incredible.
You married later in life (maturity) after a lengthy courtship (really get to know the person). No baggage that often results from previous commitments and stellar role models. No wonder you guys do so well together...even in the camper van! 😉 Congrats on your success!
My husband and I both came from families with looong and happy marriages. We didn't live together, we dated for 6 months and knew then that we would probably marry. We married at the 12 month mark.
We had the same outlooks on reality, on expectations for the future, neither of us were religious, we communicated daily and were fortunate to be articulate in the communication. We are now coming to our 48th year and whilst it would be naive to say we haven't had the odd argument (my husband is placid and forgiving and I was a woman with raging menstrual and menopausal hormones - he saw me through it all and was my rock. -Still is.)
I believe we remain very fortunate but I also believe that our parents deep respect and love for each other was strong role-modelling for life.
Role models sure do play a crucial part in how we learn, grow, and relate to ALL people. So important for youngsters in their formative years. That prepared you for adulthood, giving you the confidence and strong spirit to make wise choices, including choosing the right partner for life. What terrific examples you are for your own children and grandchildren...congrats!
I've been married for almost three years. We are celebrating our anniversary in September. It is my first, his third.
He warned me marriage wasn't easy. I haven't found that to be true. Yet. But there are signs.
For 62 years I was able to make (important life-changing) decisions inside relationships without first consulting with the other half. (If I did so, it was because I was co-dependent, another story.) I chose jobs, places to live, how and what to eat, exercise and to put first what was (highest) and best for me. This may have been because my relationship picker was broken and intuition "usually" demanded I not always listen to those closest to me.
For me it's a challenge to put our marriage first, before "my" wants. Needs haven't been an issue. I'm learning and committed. I found true love so late in life that it's important I keep our relationship healthy, while at the same time learning how to be one and still carry on as a couple. I'm fairly certain even if I'd married young I wouldn't have been mature enough to do this and stay committed. Great post, loved it!
Thank you for your feedback...
A successful marriage (imho) is always a work in progress. The older we are the better we know ourselves due to our life experiences. Therefore, our chances to choose the right mate increase as we age. Our maturity informs us in ways that our 20-something selves could not. While single people can focus on themselves, couples must always consider their partner and the investment they've made jointly.
So much plays into it, but everyone needs to really 'do their homework.' On themselves, their potential partners, and their expectations on life's biggest questions.
So lovely - this post has really made me think.
My husband and I married aged 39 and 45, and neither of us had been married before. We were in a relationship for eight years before we became engaged, and married the following year.
My parents recently celebrated their golden wedding anniversary two years late (thanks to Covid). They - and their marriage - are incredible.
You married later in life (maturity) after a lengthy courtship (really get to know the person). No baggage that often results from previous commitments and stellar role models. No wonder you guys do so well together...even in the camper van! 😉 Congrats on your success!
That's a lovely way to think about our relationship. 😊
Oh, and I have absolutely no clue how two such tall people as us even FIT in that tiny van - but we do, and we still get on!!!!! 🤣
Interesting.
I think it also depends on role models.
My husband and I both came from families with looong and happy marriages. We didn't live together, we dated for 6 months and knew then that we would probably marry. We married at the 12 month mark.
We had the same outlooks on reality, on expectations for the future, neither of us were religious, we communicated daily and were fortunate to be articulate in the communication. We are now coming to our 48th year and whilst it would be naive to say we haven't had the odd argument (my husband is placid and forgiving and I was a woman with raging menstrual and menopausal hormones - he saw me through it all and was my rock. -Still is.)
I believe we remain very fortunate but I also believe that our parents deep respect and love for each other was strong role-modelling for life.
Role models sure do play a crucial part in how we learn, grow, and relate to ALL people. So important for youngsters in their formative years. That prepared you for adulthood, giving you the confidence and strong spirit to make wise choices, including choosing the right partner for life. What terrific examples you are for your own children and grandchildren...congrats!