It’s certainly natural and satisfying to be helpful and kind to others. However, codependent pleasing emanates from low self-esteem — more to get than give. – Darlene Lancer
It's clear, concise and filled in big gaps that I had.
And as an aside - I'm adopting the 'you rest, you rust' adage. That was my mum to a 'T' and I think I've inherited more than half of her genes. (Feel rusty today tho', post-Covid 5 and flu shots!!!)
I didn't understand it either and am glad to share what I know. Hopefully, the knowledge helps other people who may be affected by or with codependence.
What came to mind as I read your excellent discussion is how "help" and "enable" applies to older adults. Too often, folks enable their older loved ones - doing for them what they could do for themselves - rather than helping them when needed. The end product can be disempowerment.
When my husband was still home I challenged him - he had chores, we made puzzles, he went shopping - yes with help. After he went to the memory care facility, they did everything for him. I often wondered how much or if that played a role in his decline.
My dad was in a dementia unit and they provided physical care, but nothing for cognitive care. I've heard how other countries are doing a great job by offering 'dementia villages' and encouraging patients to keep up the normal tasks of living and being social. My grandma always said, "You rest, you rust." I believe that goes for our minds as well as our bodies.
Thank you so much for this.
It's clear, concise and filled in big gaps that I had.
And as an aside - I'm adopting the 'you rest, you rust' adage. That was my mum to a 'T' and I think I've inherited more than half of her genes. (Feel rusty today tho', post-Covid 5 and flu shots!!!)
Thanks prue, I'm glad it clarified things. I think a lot of people have a skewed idea of codependence; I sure did!
Definitely take it easy while shaking off the Covid stuff. Resting a bit when we're under the weather is A-okay!
Wow, I had no real grasp of what codependent means until I read this! This post has been an education - thank you so much.
Thank you for your comment, Rebecca.
I didn't understand it either and am glad to share what I know. Hopefully, the knowledge helps other people who may be affected by or with codependence.
What came to mind as I read your excellent discussion is how "help" and "enable" applies to older adults. Too often, folks enable their older loved ones - doing for them what they could do for themselves - rather than helping them when needed. The end product can be disempowerment.
When my husband was still home I challenged him - he had chores, we made puzzles, he went shopping - yes with help. After he went to the memory care facility, they did everything for him. I often wondered how much or if that played a role in his decline.
Great point, Janice; thank you for the insight.
My dad was in a dementia unit and they provided physical care, but nothing for cognitive care. I've heard how other countries are doing a great job by offering 'dementia villages' and encouraging patients to keep up the normal tasks of living and being social. My grandma always said, "You rest, you rust." I believe that goes for our minds as well as our bodies.
I couldn't agree more with that - "you rest, you rust" refers to minds and bodies.