Identity | 3 Really Big Factors That Absolutely Affect It
In the social jungle of human existence, there is no feeling of being alive without a sense of identity. ~Erik Erikson
While the terms sense of self and self-concept are interchangeable, identity often refers to one’s social face or how we believe other people view us.
Can you easily describe your identity?
If not, wondering who you are and how you’re perceived by others can cause internalizing symptoms: fear, sadness, loneliness, changes in eating habits, and trouble concentrating (all common in people with depression.) Low self-esteem and risky behaviors are also prevalent.
Our experiences throughout life shape our identities. This is particularly true during childhood and adolescence. Those lucky enough to be raised in a supportive environment (with love and encouragement) will develop a strong sense of self.
I happily see this with my grandchildren. Both of my sons are hands-on dads who participate in all aspects of parenting: diapers, bathing, feeding, etc. They show affection unabashedly and consistently encourage their children. It gives me joy, particularly because their father did so little. Fortunately, I had wonderful role models within the extended family.
Conversely, children who encounter abuse, neglect, or helicopter parenting may waver with regard to identity development.
My parents provided well for our physical needs, but some of the emotional ones went unmet. I didn’t realize this until my self-awareness journey began, which included lots of reading and videos that helped me see things I hadn’t before. I describe a few of these things in this earlier post.
Erik Erikson, an American child psychoanalyst, is best known for his theory that each stage of life is associated with a specific psychological struggle, a struggle that contributes to a major aspect of personality.
He described adolescence as one of identity versus role confusion when people are unsure of who they are and where they fit in.
Looking back at my teen years, I certainly relate to this. For me, it was more about feeling unsure of who I was and what my life goals were. Going to college was the only one I remember, which was a disaster. Not only did I flunk out after two semesters, but I never earned that coveted degree until I was in my fifties!
Factors That Determine Identity
There’s a variety of elements that influence one’s identity, such as ethnicity, culture, friends, location, interests, media, and overall life experiences. However, three of the main ones are:
Family of origin - Parents and primary caregivers play a major role in the formation of identity. How you see yourself is determined by the roles you play within your family. Another component is the nature of these relationships, as they define whether your sense of identity is strong or weak.
Individuation - This is the process of forming a stable personality and gaining a clear sense of identity separate from one’s caregivers and the other people around them. Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, believed that this was a self-realization process (the fulfillment by oneself of the possibilities of one's character or personality). He suggested that throughout life, people are prone to losing touch with certain aspects of their true selves. Individuation allows integration of these aspects with all of their new learning and experiences gained.
Society - These influences play an important role: culture, media, religion, gender roles, and others can affect how you feel about yourself. When aspects of your identity don’t agree with societal expectations, this causes problems.
When I began studying these things, it became evident that I never ‘individuated’ properly. This set me up for low self-esteem and a terrible lack of boundaries. Understanding what caused decades of negative thinking and behaviors was the antidote and a path to healing and forgiveness - forgiveness of myself and others.
Our lives aren’t static; we experience changes every step of the way, both good and bad. If we have a strong sense of identity, we can capitalize on or problem-solve our way through them. If not, we’ll struggle.
If you find yourself asking the question, “Who Am I?” then it’s time to begin your own self-awareness evaluation.
Trust me, it’s worth the effort. And so are you.
For an interesting philosophical inquiry, check out this short video:
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NEXT WEEK: Individuation: Finding Your Unique Identity
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Hi, After first living with my parents and then being married for 63 years, I feel as if I am just finding out who I am now.
Another excellent read.