International Tolerance Day is November 16

Apparently Not Everyone Got the Memo

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In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher. 
~ Dalai Lama XIV

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Certain people come to mind when one thinks of universal responsibility, love, compassion, and kindness. People like Mahatma Gandhi, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Martin Luther King, Jr..

Of course, there is also the Dalai Lama, a Buddhist monk and Tibetan spiritual leader who has devoted his life to imparting this message.

Customarily referred to as His Holiness, Dalai Lama teaches that disagreements and challenging relationships serve as opportunities for growth. He invites us to step outside our comfort zones, learn from differences, and cultivate a more accepting, open-minded perspective.

And who better than our enemies to help us do this?

Maybe in our daily lives, ‘enemy’ is too strong a word. Indeed, the neighbor playing loud music at midnight or the coworker eating sardines in the office aren’t enemies. They’d fall under the category of pain in the ass (and I know this from experience.) But, despite being more minor offenses, we can apply the same lessons.

Tolerance doesn’t mean we must agree with the other person or condone harmful behavior. No one is entitled to pernicious conduct, mainly when it affects others. It means we should acknowledge other people’s perspectives, beliefs, and worldviews and respect their rights. Tolerance is about navigating disagreements without hostility or derogatory treatment.

So, why do people choose to be so close-minded in a modern, supposedly ‘enlightened’ world?

Economic, political, and social factors.¹

I translate this as the perverse and growing income gap between businesses and their workers. Runaway capitalism and the lust for power and prestige is mind-boggling to this small-town wannabe writer. And sadly, religion accounts for many conflicts and deaths throughout history.

So much for live and let live.

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Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

After the United Nations declared a Year for Tolerance in 1995, the UN General Assembly introduced the first International Day of Tolerance, which would be observed each year on November 16th.

The goal was to encourage educational institutions and the general public to see tolerance as a staple of society. I only heard of it last week and wondered how many others may have missed it.

It got me thinking about people who have pissed me off throughout my life and prompted a second look. The one that always comes to mind occurred over 20 years ago when I worked a retail job. (If you’ve never had the pleasure of working retail, consider yourself lucky.)

One day, a lady came in wanting to return an $8.00 edible item she received as a gift. She didn’t want to exchange it for something else; she demanded the money. She lost it when I explained that the store policy didn’t allow for cash returns on food items. I explained that food returned for any reason cannot be put back on the shelf (go figure) and must be thrown away. She backed away from the checkout, yelling and swearing at me and my stupid policies. (Remember, this was a gift, so she paid nothing for it.)

After several minutes, she started to leave but turned suddenly and threw the item approximately 15 feet at me. It was an overhand throw and quite a forceful one at that. It hit me in the chest, but I managed to catch it as it fell towards the floor.

When I tell this story today, it gives me a good laugh, but I was pretty upset then. These days, I’d be inclined to chase her out the door and throw it back at her. That’s what age has done for me. It’s given me the courage to stand up for myself against abuse. Too bad I didn’t have that in my younger years when I needed it so badly.

Tolerance is giving to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself. ~Robert Green Ingersoll

However, thinking about it now, I realize there was much more to this woman’s anger than an $8 pecan log. Maybe she had just received a devastating diagnosis or was living with an abusive husband who gambled away all their money. Something in her backstory explains that level of nasty behavior, and it wasn’t the gift she tried to return for cash.

If faced with the same situation today I wouldn’t do anything different (other than look on in shock as she stormed out the door.) Well, maybe I’d duck behind the counter.

Anger is a cover for fear and parents who don’t teach a child how to deal with their feelings in a healthy way will raise adults that do the same.

This is where tolerance comes into play. If we could look beyond the snarling face, the nasty gestures, and the cruel words, we might see the fear and flawed upbringing that drives these toxic emotions. It’s not easy to do that in the moment but if we want to regain a civil society we must give it our best shot.

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NOTE: I’d hoped to get this post out earlier in the day since TODAY is International Tolerance Day. But, November 17th is a great day to practice and set the example, as well as the other 364 days in the year.

Thanks for reading.

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