So true...I agree that most parents do the best they can, based on their own experiences, in the era they live in. However, communication is a tricky thing. I'm learning that misinterpreting a child's behavior and then using drastic discipline measures like screaming, hitting, and/or ignoring them is damaging (even if it's done only occasionally or unintentionally.)
When children behave badly, or what we perceive as badly, it's important to clarify why. I wish I'd considered this more with my own children. If it's not fear, hunger, or some valid reason, then they need to be held accountable, but in a less antagonistic manner. I took away privileges: TV, computer, dessert, etc. (depending on their age) and I explained my actions. On my worst days I yelled.
I detest bullying and have to wonder how many of them emulate what they learned growing up. Schoolyard bullies grow up to be adult bullies. It's a societal problem for sure with no easy answers. Thanks for your always insightful feedback!
I think I was raised by parents of their time. They did what was the norm. There's no doubt they loved me to their souls and back. But times were different, societal expectations were different and I will never judge Mum and Dad for what they did.
Then came my time as a parent. Again, things had changed. Compared to the way I was raised, my kids were raised in a more relaxed fashion. But society with its school bullying and inability to deal with bullies was waiting and I will never forgive the schools my children attended for the total lack of pastoral care.
Now my son has a son of his own and I can see child-rearing has changed again. Society is crueller, more dangerous, and my son and daughter in law have to try and gently raise a child to be strong, positive and content in what appears to be a morally redundant world.
What I am saying is that every thinking generation does the best it can. There will always be those who don't give a damn if their kids fall off a precipice but as long as each generation wraps kids in its arms and loves them, giving them the best foundation they can, then hopefully that's okay.
So true...I agree that most parents do the best they can, based on their own experiences, in the era they live in. However, communication is a tricky thing. I'm learning that misinterpreting a child's behavior and then using drastic discipline measures like screaming, hitting, and/or ignoring them is damaging (even if it's done only occasionally or unintentionally.)
When children behave badly, or what we perceive as badly, it's important to clarify why. I wish I'd considered this more with my own children. If it's not fear, hunger, or some valid reason, then they need to be held accountable, but in a less antagonistic manner. I took away privileges: TV, computer, dessert, etc. (depending on their age) and I explained my actions. On my worst days I yelled.
I detest bullying and have to wonder how many of them emulate what they learned growing up. Schoolyard bullies grow up to be adult bullies. It's a societal problem for sure with no easy answers. Thanks for your always insightful feedback!
I think I was raised by parents of their time. They did what was the norm. There's no doubt they loved me to their souls and back. But times were different, societal expectations were different and I will never judge Mum and Dad for what they did.
Then came my time as a parent. Again, things had changed. Compared to the way I was raised, my kids were raised in a more relaxed fashion. But society with its school bullying and inability to deal with bullies was waiting and I will never forgive the schools my children attended for the total lack of pastoral care.
Now my son has a son of his own and I can see child-rearing has changed again. Society is crueller, more dangerous, and my son and daughter in law have to try and gently raise a child to be strong, positive and content in what appears to be a morally redundant world.
What I am saying is that every thinking generation does the best it can. There will always be those who don't give a damn if their kids fall off a precipice but as long as each generation wraps kids in its arms and loves them, giving them the best foundation they can, then hopefully that's okay.