I'm learning to leave holiday traditions behind. Many if not most, aren't the same without those I spent precious moments with back then. I spent years trying to emulate and recreate the feelings I missed so much. All I created was sorrow and more tears left in the void.
This year was step one. I did nothing to celebrate Christmas; no tree, decorations, lights, and most importantly no gift exchanging. I felt relief for the first time in years. Next year I'll spend it elsewhere hopefully in a foreign country, or at least at a far distance from I'm currently living.
I have to adopt my long gone elderly mother's attitude she held fast to in her last years: "That was then, this is now." Wonderful words to remember in times of remembering days gone by, and leaving behind the sometimes sorrow that accompanies remembering the long gone past.
I understand those feelings well. The 'magic' of Santa Claus disappeared when my older brother spilled the beans that he wasn't real. The subsequent years brought many changes: marrriage, children, divorce, deaths, moving, changing jobs, etc. Through it all the old traditions had to make way for new ones, despite the intense feelings of loss.
It's not easy, but your Mom's advice is sensible and true. 'Now' is where we're at. When I start feeling blue, I remind myself that there are people who are far worse off than me. They may not have any happy memories (for a multitude of awful reasons.) When I think of it from that perspective the gratitude helps ease the sadness.
Life evolves constantly, but it's important to do what feels right for you.
Thank you for those kind words and your wonderful company this past year!
I'm one of the lucky ones; I found understanding and peace, have no anger or resentment, and managed (with the help of both families) to raise responsible, decent human beings. I slept well and woke up feeling fine, and I'm grateful for all these things.
Since my husband died three years ago, I've had to build a lot of new traditions. If truth be told, I haven't done very well - especially this Christmas. I have to find better ways next year.
Be patient with yourself; those old traditions were years in the making and the new ones take time and thought (they involve so many emotions!)
Perhaps consider how you can 'tweak' the old holiday ones with the new and think about it in the off-season (when the feelings aren't so strong.) Your family and friends (who may be in the same situation) might be a good resource with suggestions. And, of course, Google can probably find articles on this topic.
We grieve in our own way and time. I wish you continued strength and clarity as you find your direction.
Such a great post - you've given me food for thought to think the things I need to think.
(Sorry - that's a bonkers sentence, but it makes sense to me!)
😊
I'm learning to leave holiday traditions behind. Many if not most, aren't the same without those I spent precious moments with back then. I spent years trying to emulate and recreate the feelings I missed so much. All I created was sorrow and more tears left in the void.
This year was step one. I did nothing to celebrate Christmas; no tree, decorations, lights, and most importantly no gift exchanging. I felt relief for the first time in years. Next year I'll spend it elsewhere hopefully in a foreign country, or at least at a far distance from I'm currently living.
I have to adopt my long gone elderly mother's attitude she held fast to in her last years: "That was then, this is now." Wonderful words to remember in times of remembering days gone by, and leaving behind the sometimes sorrow that accompanies remembering the long gone past.
I understand those feelings well. The 'magic' of Santa Claus disappeared when my older brother spilled the beans that he wasn't real. The subsequent years brought many changes: marrriage, children, divorce, deaths, moving, changing jobs, etc. Through it all the old traditions had to make way for new ones, despite the intense feelings of loss.
It's not easy, but your Mom's advice is sensible and true. 'Now' is where we're at. When I start feeling blue, I remind myself that there are people who are far worse off than me. They may not have any happy memories (for a multitude of awful reasons.) When I think of it from that perspective the gratitude helps ease the sadness.
Life evolves constantly, but it's important to do what feels right for you.
Yours is a great attitude. I must cultivate thinking more from a gratitude perspective. I have so many happy memories, and for this I'm thankful.
I've been following you for a year (I think) and the hurdles you've cleared and the distance you've come are remarkable.
Onwards, by all means.
Thank you for those kind words and your wonderful company this past year!
I'm one of the lucky ones; I found understanding and peace, have no anger or resentment, and managed (with the help of both families) to raise responsible, decent human beings. I slept well and woke up feeling fine, and I'm grateful for all these things.
Wow. Congratulations. Sounds like an exciting future for you.
Many thanks...I look forward to every day!
Since my husband died three years ago, I've had to build a lot of new traditions. If truth be told, I haven't done very well - especially this Christmas. I have to find better ways next year.
Be patient with yourself; those old traditions were years in the making and the new ones take time and thought (they involve so many emotions!)
Perhaps consider how you can 'tweak' the old holiday ones with the new and think about it in the off-season (when the feelings aren't so strong.) Your family and friends (who may be in the same situation) might be a good resource with suggestions. And, of course, Google can probably find articles on this topic.
We grieve in our own way and time. I wish you continued strength and clarity as you find your direction.
Hi, I thank you for your response. It is a new challenge for sure and one that needs some further attention, it seems.